The moment we’ve been waiting for is here: Ashley is pregnant and we are finally expecting Baby Colt! While we announced on Instagram about two weeks ago, I’ve been reserving my more intimate thoughts for here. After all, it’s on our blog and not on Instagram that we began our surrogacy storytelling journey.
Feelings of relief and of gratitude have been washing over me constantly since we found out. It’s been years of waiting to get to this point. Years of having to hear ‘why don’t you adopt?’, ‘maybe G-d just didn’t intend for you to be a parent.’, and ‘don’t worry, if this transfer doesn’t work there’s always the next one.’ Countless nights laying awake wondering if this would ever happen for us. Tears and frustrations. Heartache and envy. Guilt for feelings these emotions.
Now I’m faced with a whole new set of questions. Will I be a good mother? How will my husband and I transition into our new roles as parents? What baby products best support their development, and which are total garbage? Where on earth are we going to fit so much stuff in our house! I think these are are normal things to think about, but it’s still a little overwhelming.
We’ve got lots of time to learn and to gain confidence between now and the baby arriving, so right now I’m focusing on gratitude. We’ve made it to a point that we thought may never have been possible. Baby Colt is growing strong, and Ashley is feeling good. That’s all I could dream of at this point.