Despite me being a pretty confident and outgoing person, making the decision to go public with our surrogacy journey was not easy. In fact, it took us several months of strong deliberation before finally decided to start this blog and our Instagram account @notmytummy. Putting our lives on display, particularly something so sensitive as our family planning, was a frightening concept. Actually, it still is.
Writing what feels like a public diary, or going live on an Instagram story, can feel awkward. That said, we were determined to chronicle our experience in a way that wasn’t available to us when we started our research into Canadian surrogacy journeys. Mapping out this experience for other Intended Parents, as well as sharing and normalizing an atypical experience for Canadians at large, felt like an important thing to do. And so we write, we talk, and we share.
I had a few initial concerns about opening up our lives online:
- I was worried about the rude messages we might get from strangers on the internet.
- I dreaded that our let downs would be public.
- I thought that the people we know in real life would think we were being over-sharers.
We did receive a handful of rude messages – but what I didn’t expect was that for the handful of negative comments there would be a groundswell of positivity and love from total strangers. Our let downs have been public – but in return, we have gained a network of people to pick us up when we’re down. Lastly, we probably do share a little too much sometimes – but people from all over the world have reached out saying that our experiences mirrored theirs, and that they feel a little less alone reading what we have gone through. So…I was right, but not how I expected to be.
An added benefit to putting everything online? Rarely do I speak to friends, colleagues, or acquaintances and have to mention my surrogacy journey as a new topic for them. People already know, they have a basic understanding of how it all works, and the questions they do ask are thoughtful and kind. Never in my wildest dreams did I think I’d live in a world where so many people around me know so much about how surrogacy works – but I love it!
Thank you to our friends and family and readers from around the world for Keeping up with the Colts. Our advice to those looking for a surrogate is simple: don’t be afraid to put yourself out there! You will have far more support than you think.